Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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