what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are the jesus of drinking
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
