Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
