I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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