I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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