Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
