GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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