my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
