...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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