you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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