I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have feelings that need drinking.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
