How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
