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Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
