The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
