Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
