Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
