you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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