I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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