Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
