I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
