i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize