1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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