And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
