yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
