I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize