I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
