Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
