your parents love me but you hate me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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