From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize