I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
