She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize