I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
