Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hippo gnu deer
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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