What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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