woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
