There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
