Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
