I got her a Nickelback box set.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
