It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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