No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
