i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
