Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
