He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
