So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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