And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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