the day after is always just damage control
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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