i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
