My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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