The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
