Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
