You're so nebulous sometimes
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
