I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
