I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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