I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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