Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize