Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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