Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am spending my child support on dildos
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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