hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
