an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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