My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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