I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
