I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
