If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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