The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
