He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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