and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
