So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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