i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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