Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
