I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
