I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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