the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
