Define "chronic" masturbator.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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