last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
